Last week, I received potentially bad news about my car, Felicity. The kind of potential bad news where you decide not to drive anymore because you could end up stranded on the side of the road or worse.

And since I have driven Felicity for almost seven years, I did what any grown woman would do faced with a similar quandry.

I cried.

A lot.

Friday, the boy and I put on our thinking caps. We knew that we were eventually going to have to get me a new car, but it appeared the time was coming sooner than either of us expected. BUT IT WAS OK. We would work through it. And we would be OK — more than OK.

(Those last four lines? That was what the boy kept saying OVER AND OVER again. Because I might still have been hysterical about Felicity.)

We decided to go car shopping Saturday afternoon before law school prom. (It’s a real thing, I promise. And I totally wore and rocked a gown I had taken in three years ago because it was too big!) After spending time at two dealerships, we decided to take home one of the cars to test for the evening. Because, apparently, dealerships let you do that kind of thing now.

And it was a good thing we did.

I noticed there was a strange reflection of the dashboard on the windshield, and it was distracting me. The longer I drove, the more I realized I felt like I was wearing the wrong prescription. Or wearing beer goggles. … It was bad. And I felt kind of dizzy when I arrived at home shortly after.

So we took the car back in the morning, disappointed but realistic. We weren’t going to purchase a car that made me sick.

Then I did what any logical girl in my situation would do on a lazy Sunday: I gave up. (Potentially bad family news also took a toll on me that day, as well.) The boy dropped me off at home, headed to another dealership for them to take a look at Felicity, and to figure out what else we could do.

He’s a smart guy, you know.

We had a long discussion Sunday night about what we were looking for, what we could afford, what I specifically wanted in a new car (which is nothing, really, because everything in new cars right now is SO MUCH BETTER than anything I’ve ever had in a vehicle. I mean, I had a tape deck until 2005…) And we came up with a gameplan for Monday.

We went to look at another dealership after the boy picked me up from work. We liked what we saw, but we weren’t sure if we liked it more than another car we had driven Saturday.

So what did my boy do? He called the other dealership to see if they had a better offer.

If there were any doubts in my mind about what he was supposed to do when he grows up, they were assuaged at this moment. He’s definitely a future lawyer. (As if I didn’t know that already by playing Monopoly with him and his family… Geesh.)

We deliberated some more. We talked with the sales reps. We decided to run out for a quick dinner and sitting at a tiny, empty Mexican restaurant, we made our decision.

And we took home a new car last night after spending time filling out the necessary paperwork.

…

I’m thrilled to have a new car. Not necessarily because it’s new, but more so because my boy has been waking up early so he can drive me to work every morning. And I work across town, about 14 miles from the house to my office ONE WAY. And because the public transportation in this town is not up to par.

I’m thrilled because this is our first REAL big purchase together as a couple. Both of our names are on the lease. And this has made marriage and all the things we will do together in the future seem even more real than it was before.

And I’m thrilled because this means we can take our lives off hold and start living them again to the fullest. You don’t realize everything you want to do until you don’t have the means to do it. Or to get there, in my case.

This car situation has made me more cognizant of how we work together, as well as how we compromise. And I think it has made us both realize how lucky we are to have each other. Because I honestly don’t know what I would have done if this happened in my small town a few months ago.

I have the hope that one day, we will be a one-car family again. By choice. But for now, we can’t make that work. It isn’t possible in this city, where we live, where we work and where we play. Someday, though? I can see it happening.

If nothing else, I think we learned a lot about each other through this experience. And that almost makes the heartache, deliberations and overall headache worth it.

Almost.

                          

Yesterday? Was a kick-in-the-face, feel-sorry-for-yourself, sit-on-the-couch-and-boo-hoo-for-a-few-hours kind of day.

Thanks, wedding planning. I love you and the fact that you’re getting me to where I need to be, but you stress me out sometimes.

(And judging by my tweets? It basically sounded like the end of the world. Which WASN’T THAT FAR OFF at the time, but having calmed down from the predicament, I realize I was maybe just a little dramatic. So y’all? I’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean to worry or scare y’all.)

Today? Was a lot better. Partly because it is a new day, partly because I got a lot of work done, partly because we bought groceries for the FIRST TIME in two weeks, partly because my mother won me a faux-diamond bracelet to wear at my wedding and unfortunately, not the bachelorette party bag… which might have made me laugh/cry, and partly — OK, mostly — because one of my friends is my new co-worker! And neither of us has any idea this was happening until around lunch today!

So hooray for today being so much better than yesterday.

I like how life works out like that.

What’s something positive that has happened to you today?

                          

First off, I want to apologize for being such an emo kid this week. Y’all know I am normally not like this, but for whatever reason, this week has laughed at me, knocked me down and then kicked me in the shins for good measure. We all have weeks like this, but for whatever reason, I’m really, really struggling.

Three hours separate me from the weekend, and I cannot be more ready to run from this little town to home, where we will be spending the weekend on wedding planning! (Jazz fingers and sparkles!) I cannot wait. And I have a good feeling about the planning and sight seeing that will happen this weekend.

Has this week been rough for you, too? What are your weekend plans?

                          

Today was long. L-O-N-G. And really emotional.

Two teenagers from this area lost their lives in an accident this past weekend, and I spent my entire day documenting friends and family saying their goodbyes.

Funerals have always made me sad, even as a child. I feel awkward in my own skin, and I am at a loss for words.

I feel even more uncomfortable when I have two cameras strapped to my body at a funeral. Double the awkwardness. Add vicious states from guests and whispers behind my back about how I are so disrespectful for being there, and you’ve got the typical reception I get at a funeral.

I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want someone documenting my loss, either. But this is a part of my job, no matter how tough or uncomfortable it is, and I try to be as respectful and silent as possible whenever I cover a funeral. I’m not the kind of girl who will shove a wideangle in your face as you mourn. That’s just not my style, and I feel that is disrespectful.

We only attend funerals when the families are OK with us being there, but they are still so challenging.

While I received some of these glares and whispers, I was welcomed with open arms by one family. They told us stories about their son. They were happy we were there with them, and they were truly celebrating his life.

I know they were sad beyond belief, but it touched me that they went out of their way to make us feel comfortable. That doesn’t happen often, and it was a lovely surprise this morning.

I told my coworker as we drove to the funeral this morning that I hated covering funerals. I hate intruding on someone’s final goodbye, even if they approve of me being there. I hate being obligated (by work) to document their pain. And I hate how people make me feel about myself at them as they talk about me.

Today wasn’t an easy day, but I take solace in the fact that one family opened their arms and hearts to us. And for now, that is more than enough to erase the whispers, stares and dislike while I join everyone else in mourning the loss of two boys who had so much ahead of them in life.

                          

Judging from yesterday’s post and after some self-reflection, it’s obvious that yesterday was a rough day for me.

I hate being whiny, but we all have days like those. Right? Days where when it rains, it pours. And you never see them coming. No, no. Those suckers are tricky.

What I’ve learned yesterday?

Disorganization and a lack of communication stress me out.
(If you are disorganized, it’s OK. Really. I still love you. Just don’t come work with me, and then suck at communicating what you want me to do. I can deal with them separately, not together.)

Cars stalling out/dying in the middle of an intersection = awesome not good.
(Felicity is going into the sh0p tomorrow to get fixed. Because honestly? I freaked out when everyone was honking at me and flipping me off as I was stranded in the intersection. I may or may not have boo-hooed for about 10 minutes afterward. My boy is so patient and talked me down.)

Trailer hitches don’t feel so hot against shins.
(I willed myself not to cry in front of a handful of high school students after tripping over one and majorly hitting my shins. Luckily, nothing is broken, but I have a nice lump and bruise on both legs.)

…

It sucked, but at least it’s over, and today has been a much better day.

How was today for y’all?

                          

It boggles my mind how some people can be so terribly disorganized.

I am a planner and a list maker. I enjoy plotting out my day and exactly what I will be doing. When I leave my house for the day, I plan exactly where I need to go and in what order so I don’t waste gas or backtrack. When I go to the grocery store, I have a categorized list to help in choosing my food for the week.

I think about the future more than just one day in advance.

And I plan, plan, plan, even though I know some of these plans will be scrapped as their time draws closer.

I don’t understand disorganization, but doesn’t necessarily bother me as long as it doesn’t affect me. And it affects me way too often.

Surprise, surprise.

It’s official: I’m ready for Saturday.

                          

Lucy and I take long walks through our new neighborhood most days of the week, as long as the weather is nice and we have the time.

We were minding our business on our Monday afternoon walk, taking in the sights. We were still close to home, just having turned onto another street, so every ten feet, Lucy was squatting to mark her land.

We passed a woman climbing out of her car, and I said, “Hello.” She replied, I told her to have a nice day, and we continued walking, not thinking much of the encounter.

In this woman’s yard, Lucy wanted to water the grass, so I stopped. And then I heard someone yelling.

“NU-UH! DON’T DO THAT! GET OFF MY LAWN RIGHT NOW!”

I turned to find the woman I had just greeted yelling at ME because my dog was taking a piss in her lawn.

“She’s just tinkling.”

“I don’t care what she’s doing. She doesn’t need to be doing it in my lawn. It looked like she was about to do something else. EVERYONE LETS THEIR DOGS LEAVE PRESENTS IN MY LAWN, AND I’M ALWAYS HAVING TO PICK IT UP. I’M SICK OF IT!”

“Well, I’m sorry they’ve done that. But Lucy has never done that in your lawn.”

“Well, she was about to before I yelled, and IF YOU WERE A CONSIDERATE PERSON, YOU WOULD BE CARRYING A PLASTIC BAG TO PICK IT UP!”

It should be noted that I had a plastic bag in my shirt pocket, that my dog wasn’t about to take a dump in the woman’s yard, and if she did, I would have picked it up. I’m considerate like that.

She didn’t even let me say anything.

She continued ranting about how people in this neighborhood are SO inconsiderate and how we need to stay OUT of her lawn.

“OK, we’ll do that. We will NEVER walk near your lawn again.”

This promise is going to be really challenging to keep because she lives in a corner lot on a big street. A street we walk down daily.

“Good. Because whenever your dog pees in my lawn, she’s messing up the grass, too. Look at all the brown spots! Those are because of your dog.”

There are brown spots throughout the entire lawn. Lucy has peed in this yard maybe five times. Near the sidewalk. Clearly, it’s all our fault. We should probably offer to have her lawn replanted, or whatever you have to do with that.

“OK. We’ll stay away. Don’t you worry. Have a LOVELY day.”

And we started on our walk again, Lucy looking up at my confused. The woman said nothing.

The woman, who was standing by her car, made her way to the corner and watched as we walked on the sidewalk through her front lawn, making sure Lucy didn’t stop and pee again or leave her a little present.

As soon as we were off her property, she walked back into her house.

I was so stunned from the encounter that I called a co-worker, then a few friends to recount what just happened to me.

Because, honestly? A dog peeing in your lawn TOTALLY warrants an all-out scolding of the dog’s owner.

Duh.

                          

Today started off relatively early. It was going to be a busy day, and I was flying solo.

Everything went well until I parked my car on a one-way street this afternoon. I gathered my equipment, conveniently placed on the seat next to me, and prepared to walk a block or so for my assignment.

All was fine and dandy until I realized the man parked directly in front of me was throwing his truck in reverse, not looking and hitting the gas HARD.

I laid on the horn, but it was no use. My car shook after the impact. And then, the man did the most audacious thing someone could do in that situation…

I threw up my hands and scrambled out of the car as that man drove away, clearly not worried about the state of my car or my state of mind after ramming his ancient Chevy into the front end of Felicity, my Honda.

All I can do now is shake my head. But knowing my luck, the bumper will fall off within a week. And I didn’t think fast enough or clearly enough to write down the man’s license number to report him.

Argh.

What has aggravated you today?

                          

You know when you feel like things in your life are falling apart?

That’s how I feel right now.

I think I know what brought it on, and I am NOT happy about this development. I’m fighting, but it is so hard to feel productive and positive when negativity is continually directed at you.

Yes, I know I’m probably being dramatic here, but honestly? I think this was a long time coming. And as much as I am fighting this, it is so challenging NOT to be dragged down.

Things in my personal life are shaky. While I have a lot going for me, it doesn’t overshadow the fact that I’m losing friends. I never expected this, but it has been made clear through the actions of others. And, honestly, what can you do once someone has written you off? (Answer: You turn to your wonderful boyfriend, puppy dog, remaining friends and family and dwell, dwell, dwell until you figure out what to do, which is nothing because you don’t know how to touch this with a ten-foot pole.)

I know it could be a lot worse. I know I still have a lot of people who care about me and want the best for me. But it effing HURTS to lose someone, folks. And if you’ve never experienced that, I am truly envious.

Things at work? They’ve been better, and it is no one’s fault but my own. I’m struggling with creativity and turning exciting work. (Try shooting a football game when you don’t feel good about your skills. It’s really encouraging and fun, especially since a lot of sports work is luck, and you clearly don’t have much of it.) I’ve been doubting my abilities, and that is so aggravating because I DO GOOD WORK, AND I AM A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER.

I struggled with this in college, always around the end-of-semester critiques, and I thought I had overcome it. I hadn’t felt so down and out about my creativity in a long time. And then I got an e-mail this week, and everything changed.

I believe we all go through losses and struggles in life. We all come to a point in our lives, and we have to decide what is and isn’t worth our attention, though I never considered friendship something that could be tossed aside easily. And every once in a while, we have to doubt what we do to challenge ourselves and can find new strength and creativity in the realization.

I know it’s just a funk. I know it has to get better. And I hope it passes soon because I cannot deal with anything else falling apart on me.

                          

If you have been following me on Twitter, you already know what this is about. I just cannot get it out of my mind or off my heart, and writing has always been a way for me to sort through emotions and make sense of the senseless.

Wednesday morning, a friend and sorority sister’s husband disappeared from work. He went in early. No one saw him all day. He didn’t pick up his phone. His truck was in the company garage. He wasn’t spotted leaving the building from the video cameras. And the police were searching for him.

The story, itself, shook me. But it was the news this morning that makes my heart ache.

He was found dead in the bushes by the building late last night. He either fell or jumped from the top of the 10-story building. No foul play is suspected.

I never really knew him, but his wife? She and I go back to my freshman year of college. While we aren’t close anymore, she’s one of those people who would go out of her way to help me (or anyone else) if I needed it. I constantly hung out in her room at the sorority house. She and her roommate helped fit me into my toga for my first collegiate toga party. She introduced me to my big sis. And we spent a lot of time together during my first two years of college. She was such a bright, positive influence on my life.

For this to happen to ANYONE is tragic enough, but for it to happen to her makes me even sadder. Their relationship was a dream, and we were all so excited when they started dating. (I remember having a conversation with a friend about this at the tennis courts at LSU one day.) They were so happy together. They got married last July. Now? Her life, as well as her family and his family’s lives, have been turned completely upside down.

This news shook me to my core this morning. It makes you think because no one would have expected this. No one saw this ending coming.

I don’t know if we will ever learn what happened on that roof. I hope my friend can find peace. I hope she can lean on her friends, family and God for support during this challenging time. And I hope we can all learn something from this tragedy.

The friend who broke the news to me sent me a message that said, “I love you and am always here. Just know that.”

I think we all need a reminder like that, and I am going to strive to remind my friends and family that I love them and am always there for them even more than I already do.Because I would hate to see another brilliant, young life cut short that could have possibly been prevented.