For the past week, I have been budgeting my life. And by that, I mean weighing what I can and cannot afford when I am a grown-up.

I officially become a ‘real person’ in less than a month. And understandably, I am freaking out.

I never realized how much you have to allot into the budget. Yeah, I knew I would pay rent for an apartment and for all the utilities. What I didn’t realize was the smaller, less noticeable things like insurance — car, renters AND camera insurance — and cell phone bills and a car emergency fund, for whenever my car, Felicity, dies. And while my parents are going to help me while I learn to stand on my own two feet, the task of taking on all these new things is daunting.

I’m sure it will be OK, but right now, it seems overwhelming.

I woke up this morning from a nightmare. I was living in NYC and had to share a one bedroom apartment with five other people. We all had to pay more than $1000 for rent there, and I called my father at some point in the dream and basically said, “It shouldn’t be this way! It shouldn’t be this expensive to live!”

After that, he apparently came to pick me up from my hell-hole of an apartment, and we decided to drive from there cross-country to Memphis. And while driving over a dam in the middle of nowhere, a rabbit ran in front of our car, my father swerved and we plummeted into the water.

I awoke gasping for air and fighting my comforter.

And needless to say, I’m a little frightened about being on my own for the first time in my life, even though I won’t be completely left to my own devices.

… This is going to get better, right?